Unless you’re a vampire, death is inevitable. There are millions of ways to meet one’s end. For the people listed in the following 10 scenarios, they all had one thing in common – sex!
We’ve compiled a list of the 10 weirdest sex deaths. From bowls of pasta and one angry zombie, to ball gags and self-satisfaction, the Grim Reaper waits for no one, even those having the time of their life!
1. Death by Kung Fu
“When you go into the hotel closet for some self-fun, have a bellhop standing by.”
American actor and martial artist David Carradine was best known for his leading role as a warrior monk on the 1970’s TV series “Kung Fu.” Though his untimely death in a Thai hotel room in 2009 may trump that. Carradine was filming a movie in Thailand when he decided to do a little sexy solo routine. The actor was found hanging by a rope naked in the room’s closet and the cause of death became widely accepted as “accidental asphyxiation.” According to a couple of Carradine’s ex-wives, he was into some crazy, kinky stuff.
2. Death by hornet’s nest
“If you’re going to make something up, hornets and a penis is a good combo.”
This odd sex death ended up being a hoax, but it was still covered widely by the media and deserves a mention. A Swedish man known as “Hasse” was said to have been found dead with 146 sting marks on his body, including 54 to his genitals. As reported in an online spoof publication, the autopsy allegedly showed semen on some of the dead wasps and a number of the victim’s pubic hairs were found at the entrance of the nest.
3. Death by sex toy
“Utilize the buddy system when using a ball gag.”
Sam Mazzola, 49, was found dead in his Ohio home after apparently choking on a sex toy. Wait, it gets better. Mazzola was face down and bound to a waterbed with handcuffs, chains and padlocks. He also was wearing a leather mask with the eyes and mouth zipped shut and a two-piece metal sphere covering his head. Geez, if the ball gag didn’t get him, then the fashion police would have.
4. Death by blowjob
“Even the elderly need to get it up.”
Media outlets report that in 2009 an elderly Croatian man died after a prostitute agreed to give him oral sex. Apparently the octogenarian was so intent on bargaining with the 30-year-old prostitute that when he got her down to just under $6.50 for oral sex, he suffered a heart attack when his pants hit the floor. If he only could have held out for a few more minutes.
5. Death by mistaken identity
“You say tomato. I say tomato.”
When Joanne Kitchen was fornicating with her live-in boyfriend, Gary Higgs, in their Manchester, England home, she apparently yelled, “Chris, harder.” Unfortunately for Kitchen, Higgs’ first name wasn’t Chris. So he did what any angry lover would do. He went down to the kitchen, grabbed a chef’s knife and stabbed her twice. That didn’t end the argument, so Higgs finished up by strangling Kitchens with the alarm clock’s electric cord. That’ll teach her for, um, next time.
6. Death by shower cap
“You’re never too old to get it up on your way out.”
Frank Burton, an 85-year-old British man, was found dead with a rubber shower cap in his mouth and a piece of string tied around his penis. Apparently Burton was trying to temporarily cut off the air supply to his brain during autoerotic sex. What’s actually sadder than what you just read is Burton was dead for about two months before anyone even found him.
7. Death by pasta
“Honey, I’m just running to the store.”
Montreal firefighter Patrick Deschatelets did what any 46-year-old would do — he invited his girlfriend over for a weekend of sado-masochistic sex and role-playing activities. Totally normal! Anyway, the woman (whose name cannot be published because of Canadian publication bans) agreed to be bound in chains with her feet fully restrained but touching the floor and a metal collar around her neck. Deschatelets told her he was just popping out of the house to get pasta for dinner. Unfortunately for Jane Doe, she passed out from fatigue, slumped forward and was choked by the metal collar. I’m assuming the pasta’s al dente!
8. Death by virginity
“Premarital sex saves lives.”
Japanese virgins Sachi and Tomio Hidaka, both 34, waited more than a dozen years to consummate their relationship. On their wedding night, both parties died from heart attacks during their first sexual encounter.
9. Death by piano
For decades, one of the most sought after attractions at the famous Condor Club in San Francisco was the white baby grand piano that was lowered from the ceiling by a hydraulic motor — until it became a grand baby killer. In 1983, after closing one night, club bouncer Jimmy Ferrozzo was doing the dirty with his girlfriend, Theresa Hill. They chose the illustrious instrument as a prop. The lift was accidentally activated and Ferrozzo was asphyxiated. However, Hill survived since she was pinned beneath her now dead lover. The next morning, she was freed after a janitor found the couple.
10. Death by being undead
“What’s worse than dying? Coming back to life and being called a zombie prostitute.”
During a routine client satisfaction survey at Manor Hotel in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe, a prostitute apparently collapsed in the middle of having sex and was presumed dead. Police placed the woman’s body in a coffin as a group gathered to witness her body being removed from the hotel room. Just then, prostitute lady wakes up and apparently yells, “You want to kill me. You want to kill me.” Suffice it to say, everyone ran out of the room screaming and falling over each other thinking the “Zombie Prostitute” was going to get them.