BDSM doesn’t have to be formal, play doesn’t have to be within the confines of a serious relationship, and there is nothing wrong with being a “weekend warrior.”
Casual BDSM, much like casual sex, can be satisfying and fun when done right.
There are two major types of play dynamics: egalitarian and non-egalitarian. Casual play can fall into either category, as everything is negotiable.
1. No one has to “be the boss”
Egalitarian: Simply put, this means equal.
No one has to “be the boss” during a BDSM scene. You can negotiate exactly what you both want and do it without having to utilize honorifics or “give up” or “take” control.
Topping and bottoming can be simply that, giving and receiving play sensations to all parties delight.
2. Discuss roles, power exchange and control
Non-egalitarian play brings in the D/S (dominant/submissive) part of BDSM. This type of play frequently looks similar to egalitarian play, but the inter-workings are different.
With non-egalitarian or D/S dynamics, the negotiation includes discussion about roles, power exchange and control.
Non-egalitarian play brings in the D/S (dominant/submissive) part of BDSM.
3. Exercise your desires
The neat thing about negotiation, particularly with casual BDSM, is that you can live out a fantasy role for a set amount of time. No need to make a full time commitment to exercise your desires.
4. Have a specific designator
Having a specific designator for the scene is useful for many players. An outfit, collar or other type of jewelry can be excellent as a physical reminder of the roles you’re going to play.
An outfit, collar or other type of jewelry can be excellent as a physical reminder of the roles you’re going to play.
5. Talk about aftercare
Play can evoke all sorts of emotions (on top of the physical side effects), and care isn’t just for the players on the receiving end.
When you negotiate any type of BDSM play, make sure you discuss aftercare (the care you do after play usually involves at least snacks, water and blankets) for everyone involved.
With casual BDSM, aftercare can include closing the energy of the scene. This can be as ritualistic or as simple as what works for you, removing any designators and setting a time for a check-in a day or two later to make sure everyone is still all right.
6. Set boundaries
Establishing and enforcing clear boundaries for everyone involved is not only an excellent way to build trust for future encounters, but it also lets you keep your casual play casual.
The chemicals that are released within BDSM play are similar to (and sometimes the same) as the ones that give us the feeling of being “in love,” so it’s easy to to let emotions get involved, particularly in the moment.
Establishing and enforcing clear boundaries is an excellent way to build trust for future encounters.
Establishing boundaries gives you as safe place to let those feelings run free without affecting your current relationships or future calendar.
Remember that casual BDSM holds as much responsibility as the more formal relationship side. Make sure you’re utilizing safer play techniques, staying within negotiated boundaries and within your scope of abilities, and you’re not assuming you’re going to be giving or receiving anything above your explicit negotiations.
If things come up after the fact, discuss them at your check-in and go from there.
Casual BDSM can be a great way to spend your afternoon, night or weekend. Play on!