As an online dating expert and coach, one of the questions I get asked frequently from women is if they should initiate contact with men online or just let the men take the initiative.
We know women truly believe men love the chase and that a woman should just put up a profile (with fabulous photos and a great bio!) that’s irresistible and just wait for the emails to flood their inbox.
While some pre-digital dating rules taught women not to chase men and to wait up to three days to reply, I’m here to tell you the new dating rules are completely opposite from your grandmother’s rules.
With millions of people on dating sites, it can be overwhelming
Women often get many more emails than men do, but the guys will say over and over they’re frustrated at the lack of response from women.
Some men will write up to 50 emails and only receive two to five replies. It’s more than discouraging.
That said, the male ego does like to get stroked and flattery will go far. I believe the more engaged a woman is in the process of online dating, the better matches she will receive and her actual dates will be more enjoyable.
Men truly do want to know they won’t be rejected and that their advances will be taken favorably.
So the answer is:
Yes! Most definitely women should send emails to men online.
For this reason, I challenge women to write to at least five to 10 men every week and comment about something specific in their profile that caught their digital eyes. Make it easy for a man to know his advances won’t be rejected.
You should know you aren’t chasing the men by sending an initial email, and you also aren’t taking the male position by initiating dates or taking the lead throughout a potential relationship. All you’re doing is letting the guy know you’re open to starting a conversation to see where it goes.
Once he has the cue, it’s up to him to move the conversation forward and ask you out on a date.
Do you still believe a man has to initiate an email to a woman in today’s digital dating landscape? Your comments are welcome.
P.S. Sundays are one of the busiest days for men to log into their online dating profiles. Why not ramp it up and write to 10 men this Sunday?