I’ve been reading a lot of online dating profiles by “nice guys.” They keep saying how “chivalrous” they are. They’ll open the door for their dates.
Seriously, let’s do a breakdown of historical chivalry and how men are misguided in modern chivalry.
According to Wikipedia:
“Chivalry is only a name for that general spirit or state of mind which disposes men to heroic actions. They submit to knightly virtues, honor, courtly love, courtesy and less martial aspects of the tradition. Knights were required to tell the truth at all times and always respect the honor of women.”
Was anyone else blown away that we use the word chivalry like it has any relation to the above?
Since when is pulling out a chair or opening a door heroic or honorable? Does it protect a woman or some bystander in some way?
I’m not a raging, angry feminist thinking guys that do this are ridiculous.
I genuinely think a woman should respect a man’s effort to be nice to her, but I’m tired of hearing about it in online dating profiles like it’s some kind of dating merit badge.
It’s not that impressive! You SHOULD treat your dates nice. This isn’t anything to brag about. You didn’t lift a car off a body or jump in front of a train.
“If you want to claim that chivalry badge,
you need to do more than open a door.”
There’s a Chris Rock joke I’ll botch, but basically it makes fun of guys that get all cocky and say, “I take care of my kids.”
And Chris Rock is like, “Yeah, you’re supposed to! You had kids. They need to be taken care of. That’s not anything special you’re doing!”
That’s how I feel about these guys that tout their chivalry in their online dating profile.
When’s the last time you took off your jacket and laid it out over a puddle? Did men actually do this?
I guess I am sad modern chivalry has become synonymous with opening a door and that it distinguishes guys as good guys.
As an American woman living in the UAE, Jessica feels American men are grossly lacking in the chivalry department compared to her dates abroad.
“Most of my dates bring me presents before every date and have flowers hand-delivered after every date,” she said. “Also, a lot of men here will get up and walk you to the bathroom and wait for you so you don’t have to walk through the bar/restaurant/hotel alone.”
While I prefer not to have anyone waiting outside the bathroom for me, I do have some rules for Western men.
Rules of chivalry you can easily follow:
- When you’re talking to a girl, don’t stare at the other chick’s ass that just walked by. Her eyes are on yours, buddy. She can see what you’re looking at.
- You should never, ever, ever let her pay for the first date. No Dutch. If she’s nice enough to offer, you better vehemently refuse and act insulted. Generosity is attractive. Being cheap implies selfishness. When you allow her to pay, you look cheap and selfish.
- You should drive to her. Don’t split the distance.
- You park and walk to the door to pick her up.
- You should plan the date based on what she likes (use Yelp, guys).
- Be consistent. Save turning hot/cold for your morning showers. Do what you say.
- You should walk her to her door and make sure she got home safe. Or text her to make sure she got home safe.
- Open her car door.
- If a woman has to take a cab without you, pay for it.
- Walk on the side of the woman that is closest to the street.
- Help an older woman with anything. Give up your seat.
- Don’t expect anything in “return” for taking her out.
- Don’t flirt with her friends or the staff.
- Order her drink at the bar. Bonus Points: Buy her friend’s drink, too.
None of these things are terribly hard – not nearly as hard as being a medieval knight. And they will make a great impression on your date.
But if you really want to claim that modern-day chivalry merit badge, you need to be doing a lot more than opening a door or pulling out a chair.
Fellas, what does modern chivalry look like to you?